


Baby Boy

by steggyisimmortal



Series: Shield and Gun [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Gen, POV First Person, Think Piece, WWII, basically Steve gushing over Peggy, minor PTSD mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-09 02:54:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11095404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steggyisimmortal/pseuds/steggyisimmortal
Summary: On the USO tour, I lived in close quarters with all the girls in the chorus line but I never got used to it.  I learned a lot about women, though.  How they did their hair and their makeup.  The various components that made up their everyday wardrobe.  They helped teach me when a girl was flirting with me and not just being polite. Of course, none of that prepared me for Peggy Carter.





	Baby Boy

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the line:  
>  _"Every time I close my eyes it’s like everyone left but you and me. "_
> 
> Brief reference to gatorjen's letter series found on Tumblr.

* * *

I’ve always felt invisible. 

 

People never noticed me on the streets.  They’d bump against me as they walked down the street, always in a rush to get wherever they were going.  They never saw me in school when I was there instead of home sick again.  They passed by me at work when I managed to hold one down longer than a month thanks to my many illnesses.  They looked right through me when all I wanted to do was serve my country like every other eligible American man. 

 

Except for Dr. Erskine. 

 

He was the only one willing to give me a shot.  He was the first one that saw me for what I could do, how I could contribute. 

 

I like to think that he saw the potential in me that others ignored.  Or maybe he saw the frustration written over every inch of my skin.  Or maybe he saw my drive.

 

Maybe he thought I’d be the perfect guinea pig.  That one I doubt but I’ll never have an opportunity to ask him and my mind runs to dark places when I have nothing to distract me. 

 

He saw the big guy hiding inside the little guy.

 

Peggy was the first one to see the little guy at all.

 

She never looked past me like she was waiting for someone better to show up behind me. 

 

I’m not sure how much she noticed me during training.  I’m sure I was a pathetic sight to see.  Scratch that.  I know I was.  I never saw a sympathetic look on her face, though.  She didn’t look at me with pity like so many others had.  I liked that.  I never even knew how much I needed that from someone until I met her.  Yeah, Bucky never looked at me with pity either, but we grew up together.  He’s my best friend.  I expect him to just be Bucky. 

 

I wasn’t worried about her paying me any attention but my attention was sure focused on her.  I’m pretty sure I lost my heart the minute she punched Hodge.  She’s been knocking me out of the park ever since then. 

 

I was nervous about the experiment.  I tried not to let it show but I knew she could tell during the car ride from Lehigh to Brooklyn.  We were silent through most of the trip but it was a comfortable silence, one that I’ve only experienced with Bucky and my mom.  I caught her eyes when I was laying half naked on the cold table.  The noises of everyone around me were louder than anything I’d ever heard before but when I looked over and saw her looking back at me, the noises grew softer as her soft reassuring smile filled my vision.  In the split second our eyes locked, I knew I could handle the unknown that was facing me. I knew she wouldn’t let any harm come to me. 

 

When I saw her again in Italy after being on the USO tour for three months, words can’t even expression how relieved I was that she was all right.  We’d been exchanging V-mail on and off during our time apart but to see her alive and well with my own eyes did more for my state of mind than words on paper.  Truth be told, I wasn’t even sure where she was.  She never could say in the letters; just a few mentions of the weather. 

 

She looked amazing.  I remember wondering how anyone could look so put together in the midst of so much chaos.  All the men looked like they’d gone ten rounds with Joe Louis and had to get ready to go ten more with a brief water break.  Not Peggy.  She looked like a million bucks.  When I saw her later that day while we were waiting for Howard and the safety of darkness, then I could see the exhaustion on her face.  It was subtle but I could see it.  I like to think she trusted me enough to let it show but that’s probably just wishful thinking on my part.

 

On the USO tour, I lived in close quarters with all the girls in the chorus line but I never got used to it.  The girls were nice.  Absolute sweethearts.  The ones that were single stopped hitting on me after the third show.  I think my incoherent babbling was a turn off for them.  But I wasn’t used to women paying me so much attention.  Normally they looked at me like I was bug they had just accidentally stepped on with their bare foot.  I learned a lot about women, though.  How they did their hair and their makeup.  The various components that made up their everyday wardrobe.  They helped teach me when a girl was flirting with me and not just being polite.  That was an embarrassing day but I was grateful for their knowledge.

 

Of course, none of that prepared me for Peggy Carter. 

 

The way she looked at me when I came back from Azzano with Bucky and the soldiers…..

 

Let’s just say I was glad when it started pouring down rain not five minutes after returning to camp.

 

I needed the cold shower to stop my thoughts or I wasn’t going to be responsible for my actions.  Although, the look on her face told me she’d probably more than welcome any action on my part.

 

Everything about her amazes me.  She has a quick wit I’ve never seen from anyone.  She’s intelligent and isn’t afraid to show it.  She’s amassed a wealth of beneficial knowledge and she’s not afraid to use it to her advantage when the moment comes.  She’s an excellent fighter.  She taught me some moves during basic.  She gave me some pointers on how to use my entire body and not just rely on my fists and my ability to duck.  Her by the book nature while still doing what she believes is right made me fall hook, line, and sinker.

 

I’ll never forget the sight of her socking Hodge in the jaw.

 

These are only some of the qualities I’ve seen from her so far but I’m eager to see more.  Hopefully now that I’ve joined the fighting, we’ll be around each other often enough.

 

I’m having a good time at the bar tonight but I can’t help wishing Peggy was here.  It’s great having Bucky back but he doesn’t seem to want to talk much.  That’s fine with me.  I’m sure he’s been through things I can’t even imagine so I’ll give him all the time he needs. 

 

I make my way to a quieter section of the pub where Bucky is after the bartender brings the men another round.  I don’t mind buying their drinks.  It’s the least I can do after asking them to follow me blindly into the unknown.  Bucky has a few quips about the new team but I pay them no mind.  I like these men.  They’re good guys.  I’ve no doubt they’ll help me accomplish my goal of wiping Hydra off the map.

 

The sudden lack of jovial singing stops Bucky and me in our tracks.  We lean back on our stools to see if we can catch a glimpse of the doorway.  Maybe it’s Phillips.  I heard Howard mention something about a fancy dinner some of the higher ups were going to.  A pub would be the perfect place for Phillips after a dinner full of stuck up snobs he doesn’t like.

 

My ears perk up when I hear the click of heels.  There have been many women in here tonight but they all step lightly.  Some of the men’s dress shoes have a slight click to them but they’re easy to distinguish; the men have such a fast pace to their gaits. 

 

No, there is no mistaking the source of these heels. 

 

Bucky snaps to attention next to me when Peggy steps into view but I cease to notice him when I see her.  She looks gorgeous.  More so than normal.  She’s stunning.  Flawless.  Perfect.  An angel.

 

Wow, I am so glad she can’t hear the babblings in my head right now.  She would realize what an idiot I am.

 

I keep eye contact with her, doing a much better job than Bucky who I notice is not very subtly checking out all of her… fantastic assets.  I make a mental note to punch him later. 

 

“Howard has some equipment for you to try out.  Tomorrow morning?”

 

Her voice is soft and seductive.  I’ve never heard her sound this way and I am not ashamed of what it’s doing to me right now.  Like an idiot, though, I stay quiet and nod.  I can’t seem to make words happen right now.  At least I managed a slight nod.  Glad to know my nervous system isn’t completely shot. 

 

She looks away and into the other room where the men are.  I take this moment to quickly run my eyes over her.  I’ve never seen her dressed like this.  A war doesn’t offer much time to dress to the nines.  Red is a wonderful color on her. 

 

Because of the serum, I can see all the colors of the rainbow but they all looked muted once I saw the shade of her red lipstick and nail polish.  That is the first time I fell in love with a color.  Peggy in a red dress… Have I mentioned she’s gorgeous? 

 

The dress shows off all her curves.  I want to be better than this, to be a gentleman, but I can’t seem to keep my eyes from running over her figure.  I don’t even care if she sees and slaps me. 

 

She turns back to me just as my eyes land on her face again.

 

“I see your top squad is prepping for duty.”

 

She likes the guys.  I know she does because she told me earlier when I told her my plans.  She said they were a bit crass at times but that was exactly the type of person I needed. 

 

“You don’t like music?”  Bucky butts in.  He has that smooth talker voice on that I’m used to hearing from him whenever women are around.  I despise it but it’s the Bucky I’m used to hearing and for a split second I’m grateful to know the old Bucky is still in there somewhere.

 

My brain seems frozen and I still don’t say anything.  I can’t.  Something has rendered my mouth shut.  My brain is thinking a million things but my mouth won’t say any of them.  I have to wonder if I’m putting her through a test.  Subconsciously, that is. 

 

All our lives, the girls have always flocked towards Bucky.  None of them have ever given me a second glance after they realize I have no clue what I’m doing around women.  I’ve never had Bucky’s natural abilities.

 

So I stay quiet and wait for her to realize Bucky’s the more attractive choice.

 

Except she never takes her eyes off mine.

 

“I do actually.”  She’s not taking his bait.  Her eyes never waiver and I know I have to follow her lead.  “I might even, when this is all over, go dancing.”

 

Her eyes are bright and hold promises I can only dream of. 

 

“What are we waiting for?”  I hear Bucky croon.

 

“The right partner.”

 

It’s this moment I realize she loves me as much as I love her. 

 

She remembers the words I said so many months ago in a car driving through Brooklyn.  Where I was so nervous, I was pointing out the locations I’d been beaten up.  That's not romantic or even interesting.  I don’t have to worry about someone else coming in and stealing her attention just like she doesn’t have to worry about someone else stealing my attention. 

 

She’s the only partner for me and I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure I’m worthy of her.

 

* * *


End file.
